my confession

well, i'm not sure how to start..haiz...but i really hope i can sort my feelings out...it has been two years...two long years since we parted...two long years since we last kissed...two long years since i last embraced him...all this while, i have been pinning for us to get back together, but i noe he has got for himself another gal. Sometimes i juz cant help but ask if therez sth wrong w me tt made him choose her...i always tink abt the past...abt the times we spent together enjoying each other's company, each other'z warmth...or was i the only one enjoying those moments without realising he was act feeling miserable....in retrospect, i kind of hate the way i reacted to things tt happened btw us... ...much due to my inaction, my indifference....my heart is full of love n care n concern, but i was hesitant to show my feelings...did he feel miserable cos i did not show tt i care for n love him....did he not feel tt love fr me, or was it more of tt i did not show it....he muz have felt so lonely....

happy were the days i met him, whose name drives all love n concern fr me....but the wimp in me did nothing at all....muz the guy always make the initiative? or was it a gd ting tt i did not, cos his heart was alrd elsewhere?....i noe not...i felt discarded....even thou i always insist tt as long as he is happy w the other, i will be happy for him...but of cos..i'm a gal...a gal has two faces, one for the world, and one which she wears in private. On one hand, i give them my blessings..yet on the other..the devil in me wishes for a miracle tt he wuld return for me...

Shud i forever stay away fr him, n in doing so, forfeit myself the chances of seeing him n embracing him in me? Or shud i have him now while i can, n as a result have him cheat on her? Shud i like her bcos he loves her, or shud i hate her for possessing my love? Fren or Foe? Love or Hate? To be or Not to be? My mind is in a mess rite now...even more storage boxes fr ikea will not help....

i noe tt he will love his gf w all his heart...ttz one of the points tt attract me to him...n i noe tt he will not do anyting to hurt this gal...but...maybe he left someone out?? sometimes i try to tell myself tt he is too perfect to be mine....tt i am not worthy of him....tt he has to go to someone of tt same perfection....well, i guess itz true....tt gal's quite pretty, seems really talented, out-going, popular...juz like him...i'm juz a nobody, a fry in a school of flyingfish...haha...i guess i dun belong...haiz...i realised tt one of the biggest reasons i dun show my feelings n dun share my private thoughts is bcos it makes me seem so weak...so feeble...so vulnerable...i wonder y i ever put up a strong front..or shud i say...an indifference front...when i'm not at all......

i hate myself....i wan to change...